I don't have a lot of faith. In people, or in God. I believe in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. I know the stories are true. But I have small faith when it comes to my own life. Sometimes my faith is gone entirely. Sometimes I break down. Sometimes I yell at God, lose my temper at the painter of the sunsets, the one who ignited the stars. Sometimes I'm afraid that nothing will work out. Sometimes I feel like a turkey drowning because I'm looking up at the rain with my mouth open.
But every time I give it up, every time I let go of the reins, every time I say in exasperation, "I'm DONE, God! I got nothin left!" There He is. With a solution, a blessing, a blanket of peace, or a nudge in the right direction. Always loving. Always gentle. Always calm, quiet, still. Never angry. Not even when I get mad at Him! Especially not then. He holds me even closer, never pushes me away. He's the ultimate "Calm-Assertive Pack Leader." I don't always "feel" like I have this great relationship with God, but I'm learning that it's definitely not about feelings, anyway. It's not about doing great things, or being a really good person, or being "super spiritual." It's about trusting Him, loving Him, and especially being humble enough to accept His love, His plan, His idea for my life.
So, here goes. Lord I believe. Please help my unbelief.